So that’s it 2018 is nearly over and what a year it’s been. We’ve witnessed a catalogue of events, some of which I’ve mentioned below. I am sorry if I missed something you thought important but each to their own eh?
We’ve succumbed to the Siberian Beast from the East where the country ground to a halt because we had more than 1 inch of snow. I personally bought up the entire stock of bread, milk and Galaxy chocolate from Tesco in case of further blizzards, none of which happened but I got to satisfy my chocolate addiction!
Later in the year we sweated disgustingly (well I did anyway) during an incredibly hot summer that reminded me of 1976 except for the fact that I can no longer frolick semi-clad in my orange and brown Woolworth’s swimming cossie as I did back then having water fights with a bowl of water. Well I could have but would be running the risk of being arrested for indecent exposure!
The Royal family has given us a wedding (or is it 2?), another sproglet and a rather cute family photograph. I’m no royalist but they do have cute kids!
The football fans were ‘lucky’ enough to have a World Cup to watch, that we apparently lost. Rugby fans will have to wait till next year for theirs. Cycling fans got to enjoy Geraint Thomas getting to wear a yellow vest whilst getting lost in France!
GDPR came into being and everyone stressed about the data they had saved on floppy disks that hadn’t seen daylight for 15 years and could never be viewed anyway as no one’s laptop has a floppy drive anymore, and every company’s HR officer had to do a ‘find’ and ‘replace’ on their Data Protection Policy changing Data Protection Directive with GDPR!
But this was soon forgotten as Salisbury hit the headlines when we all watched the sad Novichock news and decided we were never going to touch door handles again or tour the city despite the Cathedral having a 123 metre high steeple and a special clock!
We went from the retail atrocity of losing more high street stores like Toys R Us to the magnificent high of watching a junior football team being rescued from the Thai caves, led by two British men…Oh the kudos!
We also watched Kim John-Un finally climb over the step to shake President Moon Jae-in’s hand. Now I know Kim’s a short man but surely he could have done this a bit quicker than waiting 7 years but then they do say growth spurts happen every 7 years and maybe he just wasn’t tall enough till then? I just hope it was worth the wait!
But I think the absolute highlight of 2018 was the Toblerone saga where they eventually saw sense and reduced the gaps between the triangles back to what they were after causing a chocolate scandal of epic proportions!
Finally it’s been another year of Brexit bedlam. Now to digress a bit but bear with me. I’m an anxious sort who has always had my snow box which is basically a huge plastic crate that I fill with extra dried and tinned food and toilet rolls so we can survive if we are ever snowed in or Tesco sell out of absolutely everything in the store. There is also the option to sell said goods at a profit if I get the urge and someone pleads enough that they really need a tin of beans for their tea but can’t get to the Spar due to the treacherous conditions of 3 inches of slush!
Well this box has now been replaced by a chest freezer which makes the toilet rolls a bit crispy but is a godsend for the food and my paranoia. The crate is now my Brexit box and I am beginning to stockpile certain foods not made in the UK, ready for the day when we are cast out of the European Union, left on our own to survive! You may tut but who will be the one eating Spaghetti Bolognese when everyone else can’t get passata for love nor money as the only trade being carried out is the dodgy dealings at the local Happy Shopper! Now who’s laughing!
As Brexit Day looms I do wonder about my up and coming holiday to Greece next May. Will we be allowed in as we’re British? Will they let us trade with them? Will we be given the worst hotel rooms possible because we defected? Will we be classed as illegal immigrants? But more importantly, what colour will my passport be and will it match the passport holder I’ve been using for years?
Anyway I wish you all a peaceful and happy Christmas and a blessed New Year. I hope it brings you everything you wish for whether that’s lots of presents, sprouts, a hangover, no hangover, a long visit from Auntie Doris, a short visit from Auntie Doris, argument – free family time, enough batteries to do all the kids presents plus the foot spa you bought for your other half, no food poisoning from trying to defrost the turkey in warm water because you forgot to take it out of the freezer in time or, more importantly, a successfully completed game of Monopoly where no one has a hissy fit and no one is lucky enough to buy both Park Lane and Mayfair and bankrupt you time after time before you pass go and before you can collect your £200!
I do wonder what 2019 will bring us? Good and bad I guess. All I can hope for is that Theresa May gets some time off, Donald Trump gets put in time out and nothing bad happens to David Attenborough!