So I had my Christmas food order delivered by a well known supermarket chain today. I do this every year as ‘every little helps’ when it comes to planning Christmas. I made that huge mistake of ticking the box to accept substitutions.
Now before my delivery was made, Judith from the supermarket rang me to check my card details. You’d think she could have checked with me at the time whether I was happy to accept her random selection but no, she chose to leave me sweat.
My food order arrived early, while I was still out but now I know why. They were too afraid to face me knowing that they had ruined my boxing day buffet expectations. They knew if I was home I’d be checking that delivery list and checking it twice!
Somehow they knew that my innocent son was home alone and so naive to that dreaded ticked substitutions box and the race that ensues between you and the delivery driver. You have the time it takes the delivery person to deliver all the crates to your front door, to empty all the bags from the crates singlehandedly and check that list for substitutions and agree to these!
It’s no mean feat because believe me, the delivery gods are highly trained. They’ll throw you off course by making small talk, anything to avert your gaze from the substitute section. This time they won….
I requested a large grown up sharing bag of chive and onion flavour crisps. I was sent a six pack of pickled onion flavour crisps!
I requested a beautiful camembert in the box ready to be baked. They sent me mozzarella!
I requested melt in the mouth chocolate mini puddings for those of us with a sweet tooth. They sent me nacho chicken bites!
Finally I requested cocktail cherries for my lovely retro snowballs. They sent me glacé cherries!
You can imagine my seasonal spread can’t you. Stinky crisps, a soggy ball of cheese sliding off my cheese board, no deserts in sight and Christmas drinks with sticky cherries in the bottom. It’s not the impression I was aiming for!
I thought my substitutes were bad but then I heard today that another supermarket where you can save money and live better, substituted a certain household cleaner (sounds like whiff!) with shoe polish! You couldn’t make it up could you!
So today’s life lesson is if you tick the box, you had better be prepared to face the consequences!
Merry Christmas you beautiful people. Buffet at mine Boxing Day…..!